If You give the Turks a Beer, they will
by KukaruiValentine
Summary: We all know that the Turks get drunk, a lot... but what happens the next morning, or maybe when they THINK the other person is drunk, Cotains sexually themes, lots of them


The funny lives of the Turks!  
  


A/N: This is another pointless fiction that I just thought up. What really happens when the Turks get drunk? Read on!

Vincent: (laughing) GAME ON!

Cid: (laughs) GAME ON!

  
What they really did when they were alone!!!  
  


*****

Rude: Elena? ::knocks on door: Do you know where my toothbrush is?  
  
Reno: Just open the door and ask her!  
  
Rude: Okay, I hate to be rude and all (BAD PUN!) but here goes... ::opens door::  
  
Reno: Oh MY FUCKING GOD!!!  
  
Rude: ::screams::  
  
Both: ::Run away::  
  
Elena: ::sighs and walks over to close the door:: Men....  
  
Tseng: ::laying in her bed, naked and enjoying himself:: What?  
  
Elena: Haven't they ever heard of privacy?  
  
Tseng: ::Pats the bed beside himself:: I know... come here and I will make it all better...  
  
*****************************  
  
Reno: ::waking up:: Man... what a night, I don't remember much from that party after I  
Had a few to drink... ::looks around:: Whose room is this?  
  
Rude: ::comes up from under the covers:: Ah... you're awake.... ::sees Reno:: HOLY SHIT  
WHAT THE FUCK DID WE FUCKING DO LAST NIGHT!!!  
  
Elena: ::runs in and takes pictures of them:: HA! ::runs out::  
  
Rude: I don't know... ::holds head:: But something is telling me to.... HEY, where are my pants?  
  
Reno: ::cringes:: On the floor, right next to mine...  
  
Both: ::look at each other, sweatdrops:: Uh....  
  
******************  
  
Rufus: ::wakes up in his President suite:: Man... I had too much to drink last night... ::kicks  
something... or somebody:: Who in the hell?   
  
Tseng: ::Groans:: Who kicked me! ::looks up from under the blankets::  
  
Rufus:: WHAT THE HELL!!!  
  
Reno: ::Also under the blankets:: Would you mind keeping it down, I am trying to.... MR.  
PRESIDENT!   
  
Elena: ::yawning:: What is going on here... EEP! ::sees she is in between Rufus and Reno  
in the large bed::  
  
Scarlet: ::from under the blankets, at the foot of the bed:: KEEP IT DOWN, WILL YA! ::punches  
someone::  
  
Rude: ::groans::  
  
Rufus:: OKAY THAT IS IT!!! Everyone OUT! NOW!!!  
  
Scarlet, Palmer ( ! ), Reno, Tseng, Rude, Elena all get out of the bed.  
  
Rufus: Good, now, go to your own rooms....  
  
Elena:: sir?  
  
Rufus: ::glares at her:: What?  
  
Scarlet:: May we have our clothes back first?  
  
Rufus: ::Without missing a beat:: Right over th--- HEY! What the fuck are all of you guys doing  
in my bed with just your underwear on?  
  
Reno: You tell us...   
  
Scarlet: Must have been some party!  
  
Palmer: ::laughs, farts::  
  
Reno: Let's get out of here....  
  
All leave, but Elena  
  
Rufus:: Elena, you stay...  
  
*******************

  
One the northern continent, walking though the snow, yellow patches sprinkle the countryside.

Reno: Look mommy, SNOW CONES!!!

  
Elena: Those aren't snow cones…

Rude: ……   
  
Reno: Rude agrees!

Elena: He does?  
  
Rude: I want a snow cone!

Elena: Then get a god damned YELLOW one for all I care…

Rude: ::grabs a handful of yellow snow and eats it:: LEMON!

Elena: GROSS!

**************

Tseng was drinking coffee right before the beginning of his shift. 

Rude came walking up behind him. "Hey sugar…"

Tseng: ::Turned around and threw coffee in Rude's face:: What we did last night is between you, me and that guy that video taped us! ::smacks him and leaves::  
  
Rude: Gee, I just wanted to let him know that he left his underwear over at my place…

Elena: Does he know about the group of high school cheerleader? ::walks up sipping some coffee::  
  
Rude: Nah, he was too drunk to remember that!

***********  
  
Reno: Come on Elena! Jump already!!!

Elena: That pool sure looks small from up here!

Reno: RUDE DID IT!!!

  
Rude: ::Bleeding, but too drunk to notice:: YEAH!

Elena: HERE GOES NOTHING!!! ::jumps off second story window::  
  
Reno: ::nudges Rude and points up:: You can see her panties!

  
Rude: ::Grins::

Elena: ::misses the pool and lands right on Reno::  
  
Reno: Ouch!

  
Elena: Hi! ::kisses him::  
  
Rude: she's really drunk! ::limps off, legs broken and bleeding::

  
**********

Elena: ::down in Hojo's lab:: la la dee… ::pushes some buttons on a machine, a big, scary monster is let out of a cage and runs off out of the lab, several people are heard screaming and then the sound of crunching:: Oops… ::walks out of the lab whistling a merry little tune::

*******  
  


Reno and Rude are playing with their guns in the hallway; 

Elena: GROSS, Yaoi boys get a fucking room or something!

  
Reno: ::tackles Elena::  
  
Rude: ::dog piles::

Tseng: ::sees dog pile:: COOL!! ::jumps on::  
  
Elena: NOT THIS AGA-AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!  (Getting gang banged) FUCK IT ALL… ::sighs:: Reno, at least TRY to make it interesting for me… Rude, right there… Tseng, give up… ::lame voice:: Why must I do this to myself?

******


End file.
